Blog 11: You dont know what you got till its gone...

Today was Devon’s one off day of the week, and he intended to use it usefully. Sometimes, and very rarely (at least for Devon) a life change is so big, so monumental, that one has to commemorate it. So Devon chose to get a tattoo. He hadn’t very many tattoos, but Devon decided that in his new “altered state of mind” he would tattoo a saying on his chest to remind himself of....something. Devon really had no idea what saying he wanted, but he knew he wanted a tattoo, and he wanted it today. Perhaps to him it was more about the idea that getting a tattoo represents, Something that is everlasting and a part of the body, the soul. A physical representation of conscious and unconscious thought. The whole thing to Devon was brilliant, and as he was riding the bus to the tattoo parlor, he kept thinking of the different ideas he wanted to represent with words on his chest. Finally, when Devon got there and talked with the artist, he had a good idea of what he wanted inked on his chest. The phrase was this: “what i was made for.” To Devon it was like a half completed thought, almost a question, stating his belief in the development of the mind, the change it goes through, and the positives and negatives that the spirit experiences as a person lives their lives. It was around 2:30 when the artist was done with Devon’s tattoo. 

He decided to go see Bill, the local psychiatric doctor. He never felt the need to see those kinds of doctors (Devon called them shrinks, as do a lot of people in England) but he felt that this time if he wanted to make a permanent change in his life, he was going to need some help. So around 4:30 Devon found himself in Bill’s office setting up for an appointment with him the following day he had free. He notice man in the waiting room who looked obviously angry and upset about something. Devon started for a second at the man, trying to remember his name. It came to Devon after just a few seconds. It was Cleake, and he didn’t look too happy about seeing the shrink. After a minute the Doctor Bill came out and spoke to Cleake briefly, then walked back into his office, leaving an almost relieved looking Cleake rushing out of the office. Devon didn’t think much of it, and went to get some ice cream before relax back at his apartment with his nifty new computer. 

However, when Devon arrived at Castle Apartments, he wasn't exactly ready (given his current happy mindset) to hear a murder. It was Cleake for sure, he recognized the voice from Bill’s office. He heard the screams and the angry laughter, and the almost eerily still silence after the kill, so quiet it’s almost too loud. The murder was only just down the hall from him. He could not place the screams by voice, he only knew that when the body bag rolled by his door, with Devon peevishly peering through his peep-hole in the door that it was Sile N'Bhroin. 

It was that night that Devon thought reflectively through the past year at his stay in Castle Apartments. Most of the years were boring, pointless, they blended together to form a singular figure of black and white. This year was different. This year, for Devon at least, was change. He finished his cigarette, tossing it stories below; went to his bedside and took out a small notepad sized paper and pen. The words he wrote down was this:

And they say we will never
Make it out alive,
But i wish you well
Tell me where,
But I don’t know
Where we are going.

He taped the small piece of paper on the wall behind his bed, stripped down to his boxers, got into bed, turned off the lights, and closed his eyes.